I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MOVIES ABOUT MAKE-A-WISH KIDS

Who is ready for inspirational and up-lifting movie about the spirit of never giving up and never losing hope?! Well, fucking ME, for one, cause I just saw the trailer for the new movie MISS MARCH. The movie follows the story of a young teenage boy, Eugene, played by Actor Haley Joel Osment (talk about all growed-up!) who after stricken with Lukemia (I think, cause like he had lots of bruises on his face. and I know when you have lukemia you get lots of bruises.) contacts the Make-a-wish corporation to grant his death wish; going on a crazy, raunchy, make-no sense, clusterfuck of a road trip just like he had seen in all the movies. Along with his make-a-wish case worker, Tucker - who looks a lot like the bastard child of Ace ventura- they go on many adventures, totally bucket-list style, including racing fire trucks and meeting european lesbos. So touching!
Along the way they meet up with this large black guy, dying of type 2 diabetese and fulfilling his make-a-wish of making a rap video. Together they team up and find themselves in all holy places- the Playboy Mansion! But the movie takes a turn for the worse, when all Eugene wants in the end is to not miss his 18th birthday in March. And soon after seeing an old man in a robe, -obviously God, he says "I don't wanna Miss March" (or something like that, I couldnt really hear cause I was also talking on my iphone while the trailer was playing in the theatre.) and then God is all synical like "How's that working out for ya?" and he dies! So Sad!!!! I am like so totally gonna need tissues when I see this one in the theatre!! They don't make enough movies about make-a-wish kids, which is so sad, because those stories need to be told! I think the last movie I saw about a make-a-wish kid, was the one where Hillary Swank wishes to be a boxer before she died of Chrones disease or something! So Good! Anyway, good luck in the oscar race for Miss March, Haley!!!
and p.s. I think its so cute they got hugh hefner to play god- what a gag! love it!

TYLER PERRY NEEDS TO BE ON INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO STAT

...cause I need james lipton's fugly face to ask him how he makes such damn good flicks! FUCK! Seriously though, I have not seen any of Tyler Perry's movies about this character Madea, but I feel like I wont have any trouble keeping up cause I just saw the trailer for MADEA GOES TO JAIL. So the movie is about this main character Madea who is one mean tranny prostitute. She's a super fiesty tranny, and shit, I would be too if I was fucking 9 feet tall and had to squeeze into a dress the size of a slip-n-slide. ANYWAYS she meets this crack ho in a bad red wig, whos totally played by Rudy from The Cosby Show. Rudddddeeeee! They both had dreams to open up a wedding dress shop for tranny brides (talk about a market niche!) So they make enough money working the streets to get ready and open up their dress shop called "BIG WHITE DRESSES WITH ROOM FOR BIG BLACK BALLS." But one night when Rudy and Madea are turning their last trick they are busted by an undercover cop and sent to jail! So Madea is all up in Jail causing a raucus cuz she doesnt wanna fold laundry or some dumb shit, meanwhile the towns economy is in a slump and the only thing that can save the town was Rudy and Madeas tranny dress shop! So alll the townspeople, and all the judges in city council and even Dr. Phil rally around Madea to get her out of jail and bring big business to the town with tranny wedding dresses! All I can say is GLORYBE!! This movie looks more hilarious than Soul plane and Phat Girlz COMBINE!!! I dont know how tyler perry does it, but he really does not exclude any audience member when creating this character, I think my jewish grandpa would totally love and relate to Madea! So go see MADEA GOES TO JAIL, and don't make madea GET HER GAT!! omg! too funny!!

I heard Hotel for Dogs was a good place to BONE

So I recently found out, Hotel for Dogs is NOT the sequel to Snakes on a Plane like I thought it was. I thought it was part of a trilogy of documentaries examining animals and travel accommodations. ANYWAYS, this movie would probably only be hilarious if I were trashed. So its stars Julia Roberts family tablescraps aka Emma Roberts, some other faceless pudgy child actor, and don't forget LISA KUDROW ON DON CHEADLE. Lisa Kudrow is dressed all skanky in the trailer and is hanging out with that ugly fuck from Entourage that I hate that looks like he has his face smooshed in. So Lisa Kudrow and these kids are dirt poor so they decide to open up this hotel for dogs, but its basically a brothel for pooches, where they try to breed them so they can make all this money from being a first rate puppymill. And there's lots of hilariousness with dog puns and bones and blah blah. Whatever this movie, makes me realize IM A CAT PERSON.

Ooooo! This movie is so gonna make me wanna buy a cadillac!

So this new movie, Cadillac Records takes place in Motor City; Chicago! And stars that jewy guy from The Pianist who rape-kissed Halle Barry when he won that oscar, and Beyonce and Mos Def and Jeffery Wright. I love it when casts are made up of 1 jew a bunch of negroes...Like Julia stiles and the cast of Save the Last Dance. Anyways, so the movie is about a bunch of cadillac salesmans and business is slow cuz everyone is gambling and committing crimes and having sex, that no one is buying cars. SO! Adrian Brody has to figure out a bunch of new ways to get people to buy his cars. There is one scene where they are looking up at this billboard he had made for the dealership and this one guy just does not like it at all (As shown in the above picture.)Welllll that doesn't work SO! he inlists a bunch of popular singers to record snappy commercials from him that sing like "Ridin' along in my automobile"... and I think like Etta James sings..."At laaaaaaaaaast....I bought a cadalliiaaaaac!" So like the cars sell like hot cakes, and he sets a cadillace record and launches the careers of all these famous singers. Although I think its sorta sketchy that this movie is basically a 90 minute commercial for cadillacs, I would still pay (no more than) $20 to watch Beyonce Knowles get punched square in the face! See ya on the road!

Vince Vaughn is totally gonna redeem himself for Fred Claus with this new one!!!

Oh Shit~! There is NOTHING I love more than Christmas movies! Especially cause I'm jewish, and watching Christmas movies is as close as I'll come to celebrating Christmas, since jews deny themselves a lot of happiness, so we don't celebrate it. Anywaysies! I am totally looking forward to seeing FOUR christmases with Vince Vaughn and that chick who was fucking dumb enough to leave Ryan Phillipee! So the movie is about these two spies, who dress in all black and they just got their christmas assignment. After sneaking into an airport dressed as a vacationing couple, they find themselves in middle america surrounded by babies. One baby totally fucking pukes on Reese Witherspoon. And puke goes all over Reese's sacred time dimension amulet that she always wears around her neck. The amulet was given to her by John Faverau,..I think. So like the baby puke activates this time dimension amulet that the spies use to travel secretly through the world, and it malfunctions creating four dimensions of christmas! FOUR CHRISTMASES. So like, in the end Vince and Reese have to save the world, against fucking nightmare Kristen Chenowith who threated to keep duplicating the dimensions of christmas and finds all these old fat pictures of Reese that would destroy her spy career! Sounds confusing? Tell me about it! But I'm sure its gonna be fucking good! p.s. I dont know what the poster means when they say like 'His father, her mother, his mother, her father.." blah blah...that makes like no sense in context with the movie and whoever made that poster, should probably be fired...and thats the truest.

Got Milk?! ..like the old milk ads?...but milk like the movie, like get it?

I am so excited to see MILK the new movie coming out the Christmas season starring Sean Penn! He is such a great actor, and he's my favorite Sean. I like him MUCH more than Sean Connery, but only marginally more than Shawn Wayans. Anywaysies, the movie takes place in san francisco and is about this guy named Harvey and this Milk company. Like Harvey works for the milk company. But its like this weird sci-fi movie where there is some bad hormone in the milk that is turning all the San Franciscans gay! I know, Right? RIGHT. So Harvey doesn't want the milk to turn anymore people gay, so he runs for the position of SUPERVISOR at the Milk factory. But then like the bad dude played by Josh Brolin (From like Goonies- hello? Crazy RAD HUH? Fuck.) kills Harvey because it is all part of his master plan to have the milk turn everyone gay so he can butt fuck everyone in San Francisco!
In one word: Masterful!!
So yea, Im super excited to see this sci-fi thriller that seems to have a lot of heart, and its kinda cool cuz like people are protesting equal rights for gay marriage, so like thats in the news too. Anyway, this movie also is gonna hit close to home for me; My mom stopped letting me have milk when I was 4 because she heard on the news they but so much hormones in the milk that girls were developing earlier and she was scared I was gonna get my period when I was like 8 or 9 years old. Blows huh? Alright, that's all for me tonite, but see ya at the movies with a tall glass of milk!